Who was the father of your child to you? Was he your best friend? Was it a fling? Were you in love? Was it toxic? Was it healthy? Was it forced? Was it easy? Were you a people pleaser? Were you selfish? Were you obsessed? Were you indifferent? Well, just like when you create a piece of art, the intention and governing dispositions of the 2 energies being combined at the onset of creation plays a huge role in how pregnancy, birth and parenting thereafter will take shape. It is here, that we discover what themes needs to be transmuted to ensure that it is evident that this sacred experience is and will continue to be a co-creation with God.

Your birth story is a representation and reference point for the starting point of your creation process. Your self-awareness level, your self-advocacy level, your self-worth level and your intentions (or lack thereof) all played a key role in how your unique rite of passage unfolded for you. Nestled within the disappointment of intervention and birth trauma or in achieving your dream birth lies where you did or did not embody an aspect of yourself. So in telling our stories, we will aim to weave what may still be fragmented and give one another permission to stand in a level of spiritual authority that we may be hesitant to surrender to.

Many of us don’t want to admit that we got into relationships and had children with men who were not emotionally available, were not inherently providers, were not raised to honor women and children, and may even unconsciously resent their mothers; which bleeds out onto women as a collective if not addressed. As much as women tend to use these qualities to bash men and lash out; the reality is that these qualities speak to spiritual deficit on both ends; and we, the life bearers were simply bad investors. As a result, we end up having to compensate through our birthing + parenting experiences in ways that we won’t enjoy until we learn radical acceptance.

As most parents tend to do, once our children are born, we begin projecting things onto their unique experience based on what hurt us, based on what we did/didn’t have or based on the environmental circumstances we were at the mercy of. Without realizing, we strip them of their individuality; which comes with it’s own set of unique needs that end up going overlooked due to our ideas of what we imagine for them. And while these things may have good intentions; it may completely derail them spiritually; making their self-discovery journey later in life a plight of reclaiming what they were conditioned to believe they could not do.

Some of us grew up in households where there was so much scarcity and poverty, that there was seemingly no room for things like gentle parenting and holding space for our children’s big emotions. More often than not, we want them to do as we say without any back talk so that our lives can “run smoothly”...only for it to later be at the expense of our children’s voice, confidence, emotional needs and in more extreme cases, the safety of others.

We can’t teach our children emotional intelligence, patience, compassion and healthy discipline if we aren’t even willing to be honest with them about how we feel. Why are we hiding our emotions from them? Because we want them to see us as strong or indestructible? Well, the truth of the matter is...we are not always that. And when we start creating this inhuman facade of ourselves for our children to hold onto, they never get to meet the woman behind the super mom mask; better yet, they may unconsciously dehumanize her. The woman who is tired, resentful and regretful runs the risk of combusting under pressure and they may end up meeting her under even less desirable circumstances than the ones we were initially avoiding. Redemption and integration of the woman we were before motherhood plays an essential part in to being able to continue shamaning them through how to retain their own authenticity without having to perform or pretend; which is the starting point of how we raffle away our spiritual birthrights.

Why do we feel like we hold the right to deny children of curiosity when they ask us “Why”? Don’t they deserve to understand and know? What is it with the slave-master esque authority that we want to have over our children as a means of “controlling/disciplining” them...only to act confused when they choose less than what they are worth in the form of lovers and friends much later in life. Give your inner-child a chance to bond with your literal child. Don’t shut them down because you were shut down. Don’t deny them of play because were too serious to the extent of denying you of play. Do what you would have wanted your mother to do. And change your schedule, way of operating and lifestyle as a whole, if needed, to make space for the healing of your inner-child and inevitably so, your child. Lay tyrannical parenthood to rest.

Parenthood tends to become chore-like and boring even, because we are too busy performing, judging ourselves and denying ourselves of permission to make mistakes, be our full self. We become agitated because we are tired of pretending. We grow resentful because we felt like we had to stop being who we actually are in order to be a “good mother”. You don’t have to be something you aren’t to be an amazing parent. These children chose us as we are and our authenticity serves as a blueprint and map to getting where they need to go. Performance and rigidity only derails their most authentic, fulfilling path. And the only one punishing and shaming you for not upholding this facade at the expense of play, permission and light heartedness is...you.

Why do we cry in private? Why don’t we let our children see us break down? Why don’t we stop pushing ourselves past our limits and be vulnerable enough with our children to show them that we cannot do it all. In fact, it is impossible and brutal even, to try and do it all; especially alone. And when we separate what’s realistic from what we have been groomed to portray, (even if it results in burn out), we teach our children to either do the same or expect the same from others. When they see you cry, that will show them that they have permission to cry. When we give them permission to feel anger without punishment, we get to feel anger without guilt/shame; which minimizes the chances of it being acted out or tainting their outlook on their own human experience.